hiBEARnation

Most people know when the holidays are coming because they look at a calendar. I know the holidays are coming because my half-bear genes kick in and I begin to fight the annual battle of avoiding the slip into near-hibernation.

I think there is something to be said for humans’ often suppressed internal clocks. We do a great job of pretending to be flexible and adaptable, but geez, all of this New England winter darkness is really doing a number on me.  Ever since we turned the clocks back a few weeks ago, I’ve noticed a definite decline in my energy level. My only real desire for any physical activity is the “workout” I get from lifting cookies to my mouth (biceps), chewing said cookies (masseters & buccinators), and climbing upstairs to either use the bathroom or sleep (legs and glutes). Oh, also, raising my arm to point the remote at the TV (triceps?).

Point is, I’ve really fallen off the wagon hard recently in terms of my workouts and my nutrition. I’m lucky if I make it to the gym four times per week lately. When I do make it there, I’ve basically given up my running card/cardio in general in favor of strength workouts, and I’ve noticed a very real decline in my recovery rate and endurance as a result.

I’m also lucky if I can get through a day NOT stuffing my face with cookies, chips, and my recent odd obsession, salami sandwiches (right?!). My diet is all over the place. Where I usually crave protein and greens, I can’t kick this recent pull toward any and all things white and starchy. You should have seen the number I pulled on a pizza last week. It must have been traumatic to watch.

Whether a result of my nutrition or not, I am also tired almost all of the time recently. Even though I’ve been logging 7-8 hours of sleep per night, it’s been almost impossible for me to wake up in the morning My grogginess paired with Sleepy Karl’s persuasiveness is a winning combo that often results in me resetting my alarm and completely blowing off any morning plans I have—like the gym…or showering...

So I’m just all kinds of out of whack. And it’s clearly a vicious cycle. Bad diet? Bad sleep. Bad sleep? Bad workout. Bad workout? Eat a cookie (clearly an appropriate solution). And around we go.

Now, while we all love to play the blame game (and damnit, I’m pointing my finger at Old Man Winter), the fact of the matter is that I need to readjust and keep my head above water as best I can. While I believe in listening to one’s body, sometimes I think that my body is just a persuasive, lazy ass who likes to complain come the wintertime. And with the holidays right around the corner—Thanksgiving is next week, what?!?!—it’s all the more important that I own the coming weeks and push myself out of this rut. While I’d love for chewing and walking from dinner table to couch to be considered a workout, I know I’ll feel better if I can fight back against the winter blues and reestablish a routine.

So this week, the name of the game is preparedness. I’ve got grocery shopping done and Paleo meals prepared—including Paleo cookies, because let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good cookie? I’ve got backup enlisted to help get Sleepy Karl out of my head on gym mornings. I’ve got the will to beast mode through this week. And if all else fails, I’ve also got some super cute artillery to chase me out of the house.

Hatch and her newly constructed tanker.

New Frontiers

You know that saying, “When one door closes, another door opens?” Well, have I got a story for you about just that.

At the end of the summer, my trainer informed me that he would be leaving my gym to make a cross-country move—but that it wouldn’t happen until sometime around winter. Despite my excitement for him, thoughts of a total body apocalypto death scene started playing in my head.

The thought of my fitness crutch partner in crime leaving is kind of terrifying. I have been training with my him for over two years now. Through his guidance and education—counterbalanced with my…errr…
“comforting” diet—I’ve managed to move from soft to semi-soft.  I’ve learned a lot about muscle mechanics and combination movements to maximize workouts. I’ve learned about percent body fat and muscle mass composition. I’ve learned about body weight workouts and CrossFit. I’ve even learned to be incredibly effective at dodging monthly measurements!

With him gone, who will hold me accountable? Who will design new and fun workout cards for me each month? Who will physically wreck me in between cards to kick me off of plateaus? Will I slip into laziness? Will my body bloat out in protest? HOW WILL I POSSIBLY SURVIVE SLEEPING IN ON FRIDAY MORNINGS INSTEAD OF WAKING UP EARLY TO TRAIN?!?!

Well, guess what? I quote GoT here…Winter is coming. And it’s coming fast. My trainer is leaving the week after Thanksgiving.

You know what that means.

Doomsday approaches.

Naturally, there are other trainers at my gym. And most of them are damn good (I know this because of all the creepy people watching I do while working out. I’m like a secret shopper for trainers…). But after some long thought and debate, I’ve decided that I won’t be signing up to work with another coach once mine leaves in just a few short weeks. Instead, I’ve decided to cut out the middle man—and become a personal trainer myself.

…….CURVE BALL!!!

Surprised?

Me too.

Right around the time my trainer gave his original notice (eons ago), I stumbled upon an online offer for a discounted personal training certification program. I chewed on it for a little bit, wondering if it was worth the monetary and time investment, but I guess I waited too long. Before I could make up my mind, the offer had expired. I chalked it up to fate. Wasn’t the right move for me.

Flash forward to last week. My trainer tells me his final day at work is coming at the end of November. And the NEXT day, I get an email that the online offer is back again. So I’m thinking, “THIS IS FATE, BACK AGAIN! THE WORKOUT GODS HAVE ANSWERED MY QUERY!!! I AM SUPPOSED TO DO THIS.”

However, as the most risk-adverse human that ever walked the planet, rather than impulsively purchasing, I took it to my close friends and family—whom I like to call The Cabinet—to assess if this was a good idea or just a gym rat delusion.

Long story short, I got some good feedback and decided to go for it.

So now, I have a TON of PDF materials saved on my hard drive, six months to study, and one voucher to take the certification exam.  Better not blow it.

I decided to go ahead with this primarily for the educational capital. For the cost of three sessions with my trainer, I have access to material that I can carry with me indefinitely. Rather than relying on someone else to analyze my body, assess my performance, and design my workouts, I’ll be equipped with the knowledge to do so myself. Not to mention, I’ll never have separation anxiety with a trainer again. Good ol’ frugality and self-reliance at its finest.

So here I go—with no real intent in mind beyond educating myself and trying something new. But who knows, maybe this process will lead me to new frontiers of the personal and professional variety.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see—though I’m betting if I can survive the first month of studying without crying, throwing up, or throwing things, I’ll have a pretty good indication...

Happy Monday! Hope you all do something a little crazy yourselves today!

Check out my first client. So fly.