I'm Getting Wrecked

…by T25.

(Note: I’m just telling you a story about my life, here, people. I’m neither reviewing nor being paid/given stuff—like delicious, delicious candy—to endorse any products.)

Now, most people who know about T25 know about it via infomercials. I, too, familiarized myself with it one day while seeking mental solace from the physical murder that was happening to me on the treadmill—apparently I like to dull the pain of my own workout masochism by watching others tolerate a similar state.

For those of you unfamiliar with this program, it’s a complete ass-kicking that occurs in 25 non-stop, brutal minutes. No water breaks, no mercy. The standard T25 program lasts 2 months, and is broken into two phases—Alpha and Beta. You work out five times per week for 10 weeks, with a simple philosophy. 1: Work as hard as you can the whole time and 2: Systematically fatigue muscle groups, leaving you virtually exhausted post-workout. If you do all that, T25 promises you crazy results, reaping the benefits of a longer (and kinder) workout in a much shorter gym session.

Sounds pretty enticing, no? Well, despite the epic before/after pictures, the hype, and the dependency that may or may not have developed between me and the informercial whilst I was following my running plan, I didn’t bite.  For two reasons. The first is that the workouts looked way too hard, and required way too much coordination. The second? I never really believe what I see on TV, anyway.

Then, one of my friends started doing it and recommended it to me (btw, she looks fabulous). She knew that I love busting my butt at the gym, but understands my busy schedule and need for variation in my workouts. Voila—the best of both worlds. Now there’s a sales pitch I can get behind.

So, as an individual constantly searching for self-destruction challenge, I decided to give the program a shot. I’ve now been following the Alpha workout schedule for two weeks, and I swear, it’s the hardest workout plan I’ve ever done. But I’m slowly falling in love.

Let me be the first to say, T25 does require coordination. I’ve had to pause the videos several times just to understand what the heck is going on in the moves. Arms and legs going in different directions? Needing to find and follow a rhythm? I mean, let’s not get crazy, here! This isn’t Juilliard! Oftentimes, I feel like Elaine from that episode of Seinfeld where she demonstrates her dancing (in)abilities. No rhythm, no style, but still having an okay time. I also like to compare myself to the word flailing. Just say the word out loud a few times. The way it sounds and the picture that comes to mind is ALMOST DEFINITELY what I feel and look like doing this program. You're welcome for all of the above images.

T25 also requires a significant amount of mental fortitude. This guy pushes you to the brink of your capacity, and then asks you to suck it up and give him more. I’m constantly amazed that 25 minutes really is such a short amount of time, but with this program, you feel every second pass. Not in a bad way, just in a holy-crap-it’s-only-been-20-seconds?!?!-it-feels-like-a-millenium kind of way.

…And sometimes, you feel like puking…

But I haven’t yet!!!

All I’ll say is thank the sweet baby Jesus that there is an athlete (yes, these people are definitely athletes in my book) modifying every move in the workouts. Her name is Tanya, and I’m going to marry her when I grow up. She’s saved my butt from throwing up and/or falling over in defeat more times than I can count. Just when I can’t do another spider pushup, I look up to find her making the move just a little more do-able. I’ve bonded with her in a way words can’t express.  But sometimes, I even have to modify what Tanya is doing because even that is too hard. I hope she still loves me for who I am…

So anyway, I’m going to give this a shot for the duration of the program. I’ve got another 8 weeks left, but I’m feeling stronger every day. I started the workouts able to complete about 60% of the exercises, and I needed to pause the video to catch my breath for several times. Now, I’m able to make it through each video without pausing, and though I do still modify moves, I’d say I can do close to 75% of them on full strength. Just not quite full speed yet...

...I won't forget you, Tanya!!!

I’m definitely appreciating the absolute annihilation that these workouts are capable of unleashing. I am basically drenched within the first five minutes, and need a nap after the full 25. It’s a great butt kicking for the limited amount of time you are required to invest. Whether or not I’ll have a crazy before/after picture is yet to be seen (and probably highly unlikely given my body’s affinity for swelling up like a pufferfish at the first sight of wheat), but for now, it just feels good to be working hard, hanging in there when it gets tough, and sticking to something new.

In other news, my feet have been killing me after each workout since I started. Then I remembered that my current workout shoes were lightweight running ones, and therefore not meant for jumping (read: flailing) around like a maniac. So, it was time to pick out a nice pair of cushion-y trail runners! Here they are!

Oooh, Ahhh.

Also, it wouldn't be my blog without a cat photo!!! So here's Hatch, drinking out of her preferred container of late. She does this ALL. THE. TIME. No water glass is safe.

Hatch demonstrating the importance of hydration.

Happy weekend-ing, everyone!

Bring It, 2014

We’re a solid two weeks into the New Year, and I’ve been thinking about all the stuff I’d like to accomplish in 2014. Here’s the initial list:

1.   Learn to knit, and give lots of cool knit gifts to people. I think it’s really cool to be able to literally fabricate clothing for yourself, and others. I’d like to think that if/when Doomsday hits, everyone will clearly be looting and pillaging just to find a good pair of mittens to fight of the bitter chill of post-apocalyptic reality. Except for me. I’ll be one step ahead of everyone. I’ll have already MADE stockpiles of them, and when everyone else dukes it out just to keep their digits warm, I’ll be miles away, getting first pick of the available nature forts in which to settle down. Thanks a lot, knitting! You’re a real life-saver!
      And if the apocalypse never comes? Well, I still think it’s nice to be able to give somebody something that you made. And luckily for me, my grandmother was a pretty epic knitter—so I’ve been fortunate enough to inherit virtually all of her knitting supplies on which to plot my apocalyptic coup d’état practice. I’m actually doing kind of okay! Here’s a few things that I’ve managed to make thus far:

The first hat I ever made. My model is psyched!

Hat for le boyfriend. Model less psyched.

Hat for le me. Model unpsyched & sleepy.

2.   Keep up on my body metrics and continue to lower overall body fat percentage. I totally flaked out on this by the last three months of 2013, so naturally, I climbed back up in my measurements. Well, I’m back on the band wagon and still have my eyes set on <25% body fat.  As of Friday, I’m starting at exactly 28%. Game on.

3.   Take more fitness classes. I think they are both fun and funny. Fun because you don’t really notice the passage of time, and feel rather productive at the end of the group. Funny because—well, just think of the most uncoordinated person you know doing Zumba—and then superimpose my face onto that poor soul’s. If you’re not laughing, get some more clumsy, rhythm-less friends! You’re missing out!

     I don’t care how stupid I look, Zumba fills me with glee, damnit. Who doesn’t love the hysterical contrast between feeling like a sexy, superstar salsa dancer and looking into the studio mirror, only to see your body is actually twitching away chaotically, bearing no resemblance to the moves of the instructor? It’s like a workout and humbling experience/comedy routine all in one!

4.   Blog more often. And incorporate other topics in addition to my fitness musings. Ideally, I’d love to get in a blog a week. Realistically, I’d be happy with one every two weeks.

5.   Run a 5k outright—no obstacles, no mud. I’ve always wanted to do this, but by now, you are familiar with my love/hate relationship with running. But you know what? It’s just time.

6.   Act with intention and be present. Sometimes, I get this existential feeling that I’m just aimlessly wandering through life my day. Have you ever gotten in your car to head to work, and then suddenly arrive, without really remembering the details of your drive? Or had to say, “wait, what” when you realize someone has been talking to you for the past several minutes? Have you ever reached your hand into the M&Ms for a quick fix for your sweet tooth, then suddenly realize you’ve plowed through half of the bag? You’re not alone.

     I often feel like I’m not really paying attention to things that happen in my day. That I’m just going through the paces without really being present. It’s kind of frightening, actually, and I feel like I’m becoming numb to my own life.  So, I’d like to practice being more mindful and actually experiencing my day rather than just surviving it. Wow—that was heavy.

7.   Continue to contribute the global collection of cat photos. Because, honestly, you can never get enough love and nobody ever died from cuteness overload.

This goober is passed out. She would be so dead in the wild.

 

So far, that’s all I can think of—though I am sure there are many more goals that will develop over the next year, anyway! It’s never too late to start something new!

I hope your New Year’s Resolutions are still standing strong! You are two weeks in already! Hang tough!

2013 In Review

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s a whole new year out! Which means this little blog of mine is celebrating its one year birthday!

Now, I have to admit, I’m really not that in to the whole New Year’s thing—mainly because I believe that you can choose to make a fresh start toward just about anything on any day of the year. But, so as not to reveal my true nature as a curmudgeon, I’ll play along.

Truth be told, I’m very in to self-reflection. And I’m also into self-criticism and self-praise! So let’s take a look at the past year in the life of The Whale!

January 2013

I resolved to drop my overall percentage of body fat. I knew that I would need some kind of accountability for this resolution, so I decided to create this blog to report out on my progress and to share my sick sense of humor with the world at large. And let’s be honest, I also thought the world could use another arena in which to share cat videos. Challenge accepted.

The scale that would measure my fate for the year.

February 2013

The Age of Nemo. I think most of my workouts were shovel-based this month. The Hunger Lion also reared its head for the first time, as well as the initiation of my love for neon workout shoes.

Our cars post-Nemo. Five hours of shoveling followed.

My first pair(s) of shoes for the year.

March 2013

I was coerced by my triathlete friend to join her in a sprint duathlon. Fitness masochism ensued for the following two months.

Work, baby, work!

 

April 2013

Duathlon training continued, as did my love for eating everything in sight.

How I look when I eat everything in sight.

May 2013
My first race. Ever. Experienced pre-game jitters, got a crash course in improper race nutrition, and had one hell of a good time. We even finished third out of the women. Not too shabby.

Team "Whale, Whale, Whale, What Do We Have Here?"

After completing the race, I was feeling a little bored directionless at the gym. Until a friend asked me to join her for a Mud Run. Guess I needed to learn how to run…and jump…and climb…and crawl.

June 2013

Cat tumors abound my blogging endeavors, and I selected a running training program. My love-hate relationship with the treadmill intensified.

 

Cat Tumor #1.

July 2013

I struggled to keep up with my workouts in the craziness of summer traveling…and lounging.

Desperately seeking motivation, I subscribed to Runner's World.

 

August 2013

I introduced you all to Sleepy Karl. And my sweet new running kicks. And another cat tumor. I also blogged from an airport.

Cat Tumor #2

Sweet Custom-Fitted Kicks.

Airport Blogger Position.

September 2013

I trekked around the San Francisco Bay Area with my Family & Co., and took some awesome pictures. I also risked my life for a workout (I wish). 

Carmel, CA.

Beware of Mountain Lions while hiking.

Upon returning home, I bit the bullet and ran outside for the first time since starting my race training. It was soul-crushing, but I hit a PR for a mile in 9:38. 

My thoughts, exactly.

I also ventured into cheese making and produced some bomb mozzarella.

Organic Cheeeeeeeseeeee.

October 2013

I completed my first mud run in the Rugged Maniac. Team CatCorps dominated, and I had some killer battle scars to show off.

I learned to crawl!

Team CatCorps!

 

Also, after way too many cat nods my life blog for not even owning a cat, we decided to get one to legitimize my status as a Crazy Cat Lady. Enter the Age of Hatch.

All this cat does is sleep. (Also, Cat Tumor #3)

And Sleep.

And Sleep.

And drive her tanker.

November 2013

My trainer moved away, and I felt as if I’ve lost my left arm. Rather than re-upping with someone else, I decided to enroll in a Personal Trainer Certification program so I’ll never have to feel this way again. Kidding. I actually just wanted to possess the knowledge needed to kick my own butt.

Then came the start of the holiday season. Faced with constant parties, traveling, and incredible fatigue, this marked the virtual end of my commitment to fitness for the year.  

Does lifting pizza to your mouth count as a workout?

December 2013 

I find out that I am a mutant. A MTHFR mutant to be exact. I also continued to eat, sleep, rinse, repeat.

Me and Grumpy Cat. Both grumpy, both mutants.

Phew, busy year! While I definitely did some great—and new—things this year, I’m also not blind to the fact that there is solid room for improvement.

Growth Areas (a.k.a., What I Sucked At):

I could go on and on, but I think overall, the bottom line here is you get the results for which you work.

My most obvious growth area this year was my body metrics. I started this whole thing wanting to lose body fat, and by March, I basically fell off the body metrics component entirely. I did record it every week (sort of), but I didn’t report it back to you folks. I have to own up here—I didn’t meet my goal of attaining 23% body fat. Not even close. The lowest I ever got was 26.5%, and that was back in July. I can’t say I’m surprised or even that upset. By the last third of the year, I was just tired—tired of work, tired of travelling, tired of working out. I let my level of commitment deteriorate, and as stands to reason, so did my results.

The one-two punch following my lowered motivation was the holiday season. Damn, that kicked me in the groin this year. I have definitely learned that I have the appetite of a pro football player, and the metabolism of a sloth. That, and that I must be cookies’ greatest nightmare. I slaughtered so many of them since November. Up until Thanksgiving, I had actually managed to lose about 12 pounds overall during the year (despite my oftentimes plateaued body fat percentage). I put about 8 back on in the last six weeks alone. Clearly, I’m not to be trusted around holiday platters.

Am I beating myself up about these things? No. I could have pushed through my fatigue, but I made the decision to lighten up, take it easy, and eat, eat, eat. Though I definitely feel the effects, I also know I can make the choice—at any time—to recommit.

And since it’s a new year, why not now?

So what do I have in store for 2014? Well, we’ll get to that next time. But I’d venture to guess it will continue to include eating and cats. Spoiler alert.

Happy New Year!